What a Bargain

It’s not very often that I snare a bargain but I can very enthusiastically say that this time, I did.

My HP printer, copier, scanner had been playing up for months. It was a sad saga of frustration, rage and near violence. Yes, I admit it, I very nearly threw it out the window: before the window was opened. Every time I tried to print something out, I had problems. I’d go through the procedure, File, Print, get the box up, tell it how many pages to print, what size to print and GO! Nothing! I’d wait. And wait, watching the flashing light on the printer telling me it was out of paper. It wasn’t, there was half a ream in it. Wait. Go and make a cup of tea. Take the paper out and put it back in. Try again, File, Print, etc, etc. GO! Wait.

Blinking light telling me it was out of paper. GRRRR!

Go to Control Panel, Printers, double click on my printer. AH! Jobs in the queue. The very ones I’d tried to print. Highlight ‘Resume Printing’ and enter. Wait. Wait. Nothing. Highlight ‘cancel all printing’ to try again. Wouldn’t cancel! Still the same list. Unplug the printer. Wait ten minutes. Another cup of tea. Plug the printer back in. Wait for it to settle. Go back to the document. Go through the routine. File, Print, etc, etc. GO! Nothing. Wait. Nothing but a blinking light, No paper. Wait. Go to Control Panel, Printers. Click on my printer. Double click, Jobs in the queue. Same jobs plus the one I tried to do a moment ago. Resume Printing. Nothing. Stop, Shut down the computer and the printer, mouthing obscenities. Unplug them both. Wife shouts, ‘You’re blood pressure must be through the roof.’ Snarl as I go out the garden. Wait half an hour. Go and cut the lawn, seething in anger.


Cutting the lawn helps, calms me down. Wife looks at me as I come back inside. ‘That computer was the worst thing you ever brought in this house.’

Tell me about it! Plug it all back in again and boot up. Back to the document. The ‘no paper’ light is at it again. Grit my teeth, go back to control panel, printers, jobs in line. Same jobs. ‘Resume Printing,’ Clicks, bangs whirring noise! It’s working! Yes! I kneel on the floor and kow tow to it, ‘Oh, great one, thank you for blessing me with your presence.’ It proceeds to print the whole list of jobs. But I don’t want three copies of the damned thing, I only want one. It takes no notice of my rantings and will not allow me to print what I want. I end up knee deep in paper as it churns out the whole queue. I’m dancing in rage when my wife comes in the room. ‘Is that a war dance or are you just practising for Strictly Come Dancing?’ I collapse in a gibbering heap, throwing pages in the air and frothing at the mouth.

Buy a new one.

Nothing for it! Get on ebay and find a new printer, copier, scanner. Hundreds on there. Work down the list. What! A brand new one, boxed, guaranteed, going for £5. It’s a Canon Pixma MP 140. This can’t be right! A new printer, copier, scanner for £5.($7) Yes It is! I buy it and it’s an all singing, all dancing one. What a bargain. OK, the shipping was £12 ($17), but hey, it came within two days. The cartridges were refurbished ones, guaranteed and only £10 ($14)  for the two.

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